Kauai Getaway

I seem to have lost my focus for my blog, but I’m trying to get back on track. A week of forced rest in Hawaii has helped, albeit not at all in the ways that I was anticipating!

What I was hoping for in Kauai was some kind of emotional release from the demons that have followed me for the better part of a decade. From the deaths of friends, my mother, my marriage, my careers, my sense of self… I put DEALING WITH IT aside in favour of keeping busy, taking on multiple projects, pushing myself physically, mentally, and emotionally to higher limits, yet never reaching the finish line. Like there ever IS a finish line. At any rate, I hoped to find some solitude and time to reflect while on vacation, but, well, I guess it wasn’t meant to be this time around.

My trip to Kauai was shared with friends and family. My aunt, uncle, cousin, brother, and I in one resort, and 2 VPD buddies staying at another resort close by. It was fun sharing new sights and sounds with these familiar faces, and a great chance to know each other in circumstances other than “the usual”, but I really needed to put myself in solitary confinement. Things didn’t start out great, not because of the company, but for the food poisoning I got the first day. I spent the next 36 hours alternately barfing my guts in the toilet, hobbling from furniture to wall trying not to fall over, or crashed in bed, oblivious to the world. Or at least the tropical paradise beckoning outside my door.

An endangered Hawaiian Monk Seal, lounging around on Po'ipu Beach.
This was pretty much ME the first two and a half days in Kauai...
minus the beach, ocean, and sun.

I had never been so sick in my life. I’ve never slept so much, or eaten so little. But for the greatest ab exercises, look no further than the humble heaving puke. I was so dehydrated I actually had eyelids. And I’m not even trying to be funny! I was so weak, I couldn’t sit up long enough to have an MSN conversation without laying my head down on the table. Everything ached, and when I finally had enough strength to stand up on my own, I knew I couldn’t do the stuff I had planned. I brought my TRX Force Kit and had hoped to film some cool vids on the beach; had my portable iPod speakers ready to rock the hula, and couldn’t wait to body surf in the open ocean. I LOVE ocean swimming. But the few times I got to the beach, I knew I could have very easily overestimated my strength in the water and the last thing I wanted was to have to be rescued. How embarrassing would THAT be?















So I appreciated the little things, met some great people, schmoozed at the firehouse and fire/rescue lifeguard stations (got a couple of shirts ;-)! and relaxed as much as I could. I didn’t feel the same connection to Kauai as I do Maui; I am drawn to Maui like I belong there. But Kauai has it’s own energy, and one day I’ll go back under healthier circumstances to really appreciate its beauty.

Wailua Falls

So here I am, back in Van, rested and more relaxed to live life at a normal pace. Although I didn’t have the epiphany I was looking for, what I did get was the realization that my search for a personal “moment of clarity”, like happiness, is a journey, not a destination (to quote that eye-rolling cliché, sorry but true). Those emotional a-ha moments are spread throughout my life, but I guess along the way I’ve kept myself too busy to notice them – or I’ve blatantly eschewed them. Not anymore. I’ll leave those big Hollywood-style moments where they belong – in the movies.

A pocket of sun in between bouts of pouring rain, gusty wind, flying sand, fluffy clouds...
all within 10 minutes!